Welcoming is a core Jewish value. It’s also a matter of language.
That was one of the key takeaways Rabbi Paul Kipnes of Congregation Or Ami in Calabasas had after hearing a presentation on follow-up research to our groundbreaking 2021 Study of Jewish LA (SJLA), a recently-released report titled “Parenting when Jewish and Something Else.”
The report notes that certain commonly used terms in the Jewish lexicon — interfaith, non-Jewish, intermarried — are often assigned by others, rather than claimed by the people the words attempt to define. One concrete change Kipnes made after taking in the report is to use language that welcomes rather than excludes.
“The word ‘non-Jew’ just doesn’t work anymore, “ Kipnes said. “These are people who are living in fascinating Jewish ways, who are looking for a way in.”
Embracing this rapidly expanding portion of the Jewish population means Kipnes now uses the more inclusive phrase, “people who weren’t raised Jewish.” It’s a subtle shift, but one Kipnes believes will help move beyond an “us-versus-them” binary.
“To fulfill our Jewish value of welcoming, we need to see the family as a whole. Many people see themselves as a Jewish or ‘Jewish-and’ family,” Kipnes said. “Connecting to this part of our community is a gift that we want to celebrate.”
While Kipnes leads just one congregation, his experience reflects a much larger dynamic. Across the country, Jewish leaders are weighing how to live out the values of welcoming and inclusivity in a community whose demographics are shifting by the day. According to SJLA, more than half (57%) of married or partnered couples include one Jewish person. Kipnes estimated that one-third of the weddings he officiates involve a person who was not raised Jewish.
“It’s a matter of embracing the reality or becoming irrelevant,” Kipnes said. “I have the chance to pull them in. It’s not diluting [the Jewish community]. It’s saying, ‘You want to be here. You count.’ And it’s forcing Jewish leaders to teach differently and more inclusively.”
The report specified a few groups that might be particularly open to Jewish engagement opportunities: people who weren’t born Jewish who are raising Jewish children, are not interested in converting, but want to learn about Jewish life; Jews who want to learn about Jewish life; millennials who are about to start families; moms; and groups that include people with diversity of ethnicity, race, sexual orientation, and religious backgrounds. The research affirms that awareness is a solvable issue, providing Jewish institutions with the knowledge they need to connect with groups looking for a way into the circle.
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Commissioned by JFEDLA, the report was developed in collaboration with Dr. Tobin Belzer, who conducted the interviews and wrote the report. Kipnes credits JFEDLA as one of the only Jewish organizations in the city with the resources and bandwidth to take on a topic with such far-reaching ramifications for the Jewish future.
“JFEDLA did the work that we couldn’t do by scanning the population, interpreting the data, and offering suggestions based on their analysis,” Kipnes said. “It ups our game, changes our work, and makes my synagogue better.”
For Kipnes, the path forward is clear: Jewish leaders must transform the language they use, away from outdated labels, toward a tone of welcoming.
“It’s time to change the way we think about the family that includes someone not born Jewish,” Kipnes said. “These are families who want Judaism in their lives.”
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To dive deeper into this timely research, download SJLA’s follow-up reports.
